“Now hold onto me, pretty baby, if you wanna fly.” – Le Disko by Shiny Toy Guns
I used to have this attitude, every day. Walking along oh so cocky, not letting anything bother me, completely in my element, believing nothing could touch me.
It’s been 6 months since I’ve been here and I’ve not been able to bring me, the real me to this place. I’ve been some shadow of my former self. I’ve trapped myself and put my life on hold and I am fed up with it. I am fed up with the stupid pettiness I’ve deal with from family and so call relatives. I am fed up with being put on hold and waiting for this or that to start my new life how I want it to be. I want to live my life, not wait around for it.
I am fed up of feeling like I am back in high school, misunderstood, ignored, and rumored about, with practically no friends. Fast forward out of hs and I am in my element. College, university, I don’t think I could have had better times unless I had started earlier. I regretted the way I used to live and vowed never to let myself get so beaten down like I was in hs and be myself.
I’m not even sure how I fell into this rut. Oh right, I moved about 3k miles away from everyone I know. Opps. So now what?
I don’t want to regret my time now. Not now, not before everything changes again. I just don’t want to. But it just seems that the harder I try, the more I get push back.
I just need a re-do.
I just want to shake myself sometimes and say snap out of it, this isn’t you, because it’s not.
Really, all I need to do is stop feeling sorry for myself and put myself out there. It’s the only way. This blog is a way of doing that, but it’s not enough.
It’s time, really, I can’t wait anymore.
Enough with the musings, time to get to the hunkadorings.